Thursday, May 20, 2010

A Notice to Sarcastic Bastard Commenters

Sarcastic Bastard was an English major in college. If you cannot write with at least a modicum of skill, please do NOT comment. I will delete your shit in frustration! This is NOT a forum for dyslexic motherfuckers.

Also, I'm a grouchy former English major. Did I mention I am grouchy?

p.s. This is NOT directed at any of my regularly commenting blog family. Thank you.

26 comments:

Sweden said...

i can haz cheeze burgers????

Jeannie said...

You seem a wee bit put upon by certain members of the Double Digit IQ Club today. Poor Baby. I was almost an English major. But I never declared and quit before I had to. One freaking course away from being on the Dean's List too. pfft.

Love you.

I was at the funeral of a friend's sister - from our neighborhood growing up. One of my best friends then was obviously gay from the earliest of memories - even before kindergarten he was more of a queen than any of us girls, even though at the time, none of us knew what it was and the boys would just beat him up whenever. One of the neighborhood mothers - dumb as a doorpost she was, asked him (there was a group of us) if he had any kids. Well, we all just looked blank at each other trying not to laugh and David very coldly said, "No". She gets this super dorky "knowing" look on her face and asks "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."

Old Midhurstian said...

A sentiment that I heartily endorse, SB. I don't even use "text speak" when I'm sending text messages, I'm just that anal!

Love
Mac

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sweden is a smart ass. Laugh.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Jeannie,
Now that is funny. That lady is a dolt, obviously.

Sorry you had to go to a damn funeral. I always have a compulsion to laugh hysterically at funerals. It's perverse.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mac,
Americans really bastardize the language. It drives me nuts. I'm sure we are much worse than the English.

Love,

SB

Syd said...

Maybe I should do some Gullah writing here: "She was almost nekiti, and her sidelong smile was downright wikiti." Heck, you know what that means cuz you from down Savannnah.

Gledwood said...

UZ THEEZ NONSENICKAL EENUF FAER YEE??

Walcome tae the Scottish Pairlament wabsite.

The Scottish Pairlament is here for tae represent aw Scotlan’s folk.

We want tae mak siccar that as mony folk as possible can finn oot aboot the Scottish Pairlament. Information anent whit we can dae tae help ye engaige wi the Pairlament gin ye arenae fluent in English can be haen at Langage assistance providit by the Scottish Pairlament (22.2KB pdf).

This pairt o the wabsite hauds information anent the Scottish Pairlament that we hae producit in Scots. Uise the link aneath tae find oot mair.

* Garrin the Scottish Pairlament Wark for You (1.59MB pdf)

Contactin the Scottish Pairlament

Gin ye hae a quaistion anent the Scottish Pairlament or the Memmers o the Scottish Pairlament (MSPs), ye can contact the Public Speirins Service in ony leid by post, email or fax.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
Is the translation: She was almost naked, and her sidelong smile was downright wicked?

Help a bitch out, it's been awhile.

Love you.

SB

Gledwood said...

PS y'know them examples of shocking bad grammar you put up the other day, did you alter the spellings yourself? Or did Fox News or whoever it was manage to find people on their bulletin board with such shocking grammar and yet perfect spelling to match it..?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gledds,
You crack me up.

No, I did not alter the spellings. That really IS the average FOX News viewer's mentality. American, in general, are pretty poor with the native tongue. Americans are lazy. I know this may come as a big shock to you. Laugh.

Love,

SB

Ms. Moon said...

I'll do my best. I don't feel clever at all so that's all I have to say.

Mantramine said...

Phew, sure am glad it isn't directed at you're regular folk... 'cause, well, you know.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
You are nothing if not clever, my dear.

Mantra,

Of course it's not directed at you.

You both are loved.

SB

invisigal said...

Uh-oh. Busted.

The Subversive Librarian said...

I been to college and might could proofread for you.

Maggie May said...

i love the word modicum.

Mary LA said...

This is where ghostwriting comes in handy SB -- I not only edit comments in accordance with the Queen's English, but insert judicious discerning compliments to replace foul-mouthed epithets. The hostile and under-grammared of the blog-reading world are so dumb-struck to read themselves when published that they go away and never come back.

Even the most devoted and appreciative commentators benefit from the odd inserted use of the adjective 'brilliant' when describing my latest offering.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Invisigal,
Not you babe.

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Maggie,
Me, too!

Subversive,
Thanks. Laugh.

Mary LA,
Wow. That's all I've got to say.

Love to all.

Mark said...

I'm sure you've heard this, but it's cute:
"What djd the dyslexic insomniac with amnesia do?"
"Stayed up all night trying to remember if there was a dog."

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mark,
I liked that one. Good one.

Gledwood said...

I love the word squirrel

Kissa said...

HAHAHAHA, you find a way to make even the shittiest days bareable. :) I used to be super anal about spelling and grammar as well. Then I started having sleep problems and doing drugs, and wouldn't you know it? All that English stuff was first to go. I'm shocked when I can't remember how to spell some things some days. Because, I knew it like a week ago! Drugs are bad kids, mmkay? (Does this make me a hypocrite?) Mad love to you SB. You are one awesome mother fucker. :)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gledds,
Uhmmmmmmmmm, okay.

Kissa,
You know I love you. That's all I'm fucking saying. Laugh.

Love to y'all,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gledds,
Uhmmmmmmmmm, okay.

Kissa,
You know I love you. That's all I'm fucking saying. Laugh.

Love to y'all,

SB