Comments in brackets [ ] are SB's obviously.
I understand that you are upset. If it’s friction that’s scaring you, I do have plenty of lube. Though I personally feel it takes much of the feeling and intimacy out of the experience, I’m willing to make the sacrifice for you. If it’s a sanitary issue, we can bleach you, like many professional porn-stars do. Its completely safe, and can be fun in itself. I’m even willing to wear a condom the first time we do it, as long as you promise this won’t be a permanent requirement. After all, you can’t get pregnant, lol. Understand, though: once we start, I’ll have to finish.
As for your insults, I already explained, my penis is actually pretty good, well into the average range. That means I’m in the 50% mark, and therefore bigger than half of the worlds men. At 5.125 (actually, closer to 5.126 if I round up) inches, I’m a real catch. [But, then again, who's measuring? Clearly, this motherfucker.]
Anyway, let me know when you’d like to come over, so I can get my supplies and video camera ready.