Monday, December 7, 2009

I Have a Cough I Can't Seem to Shake

I have a cough I can't seem to shake. I was sick about a month ago, and it hasn't gone away. I'm certain it's THE CANCER. I'm not going to the doctor because I don't want that shit confirmed. It can't be THE CANCER if no one says it, right? I hide my head in the sand. It's my nature.

I smoked a lot when I first moved out of the marital abode. I was rebelling, motherfuckers--seven cats, a nose piercing, and cigs in the house. It's my damn home, I can smoke it up if I want to! That was my thought process. So it REALLY could be THE CANCER.

If I croak unexpectedly, hoist a few cold ones to me, wouldja? Also, if some of you would get the Famewhore Squirrel tattooed on you in memory of me, that would be a nice gesture.

14 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

You don't have the cancer. You have a lingering cough from when you were sick for three months.
I promise.
I love you and you can't die.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mary Moon,
Will you come to my bedside, try and find a place to park your butt amidst 7 cats on a Hospice bed, and hold my hand if I am dying?

Chic Mama said...

You might need some antibiotics to get rid of it....can you get to a doctor? Get it checked out!

Christiejolu said...

Yeah Coughs last a while. But if you are scared I say go to the doctor...they say early detection is the best. But I am sure it is not cancer. Hope you feel better soon.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I am doctorphobic, ladies. Thanks for the concern. It is appreciated.

Love,

SB

white rabbit said...

I went on a smoking binge on collapse of stout marriage too. Like one between each pair of fingers at 3 in the morning type binge.

Then I fractured my hip and discovered intravenous morphine. I bounced through the nicotine withdrawal phase in a pleasant haze of morphine.

It worked.

I'm sure it's not the dread cancer. Just a nasty cough.

You be okay :D

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thank you, dear White Rabbit.

Morphine is GOOD. GOOD, I say!

The Dish said...

It is not The Cancer. For fuck's sake. Impossible.

But I will hoist a few cold ones in your honor even if you aren't dieing. Because I love you.

As far as the squirrel is concerned: I have a zoology degree (that i have never used) and have 4 tattoos, all of animals. A squirrel might fit in nicely. But I was thinking of an otter for mt mammal. I could be bribed to change it though.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks, Dish. I love to have people drink to my ass. Good juju, man.

I love you, too.

Since only the good die young, maybe I'll be okay.

Syd said...

I hope for the best. Get it checked though SB. No good being a damn ostrich.

Mel said...

Shit, how do I miss some of your posts. I think everything is the C word too. Or the Heart jamming up. I smoked two packs of cigs a day when I was young, for a decade and then some, and I was a Marlboro girl, and I smoked a few other things while I was at it. And I lived in an old farmhouse shingled in effing asbestos. Loved to scratch designs in the mossy ones on the south side of the house. Loved to sit on the roof, outside my bedroom in my white trash summers, leaning up against that shit. Oh yes. I worry. But I'm here to tell you I've have several of those lingering cough bullshit sessions and its just your immune system pissed and overworked and slacking off a little bit. Might be alergies too. Not The stuff. Nope. Might toast you and get the tattoos anyway, even though you are not dying. So there.

Ms. Moon said...

Ms. Bastard- Yes. I will do that but I have a feeling you'll be the one sitting at my bedside. I talked to my Lis today and she has the same lingering cough. It's winter for god's sake. It's dry. The mucus membranes are all fucked up. Don't freak.

Petit fleur said...

I empathize... I have a touch of the hypochondriac in me.

I'm certain many of us already drink to your ass!

Cheers!

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