Monday, December 7, 2009

Teeny Weeny Puppini and the Reeses Tree

When I stopped home for lunch, I decided, since I am dieting, I would have JUST ONE precious Reeses Peanut Butter Christmas Tree. Yes, I could have had a really big nutritional salad, but instead I opted for the small chocolatey Christmas tree, and your asses would have done the same thing, so just stop thinking you're all lofty and shit. It's human to eat the smaller fun item.

Anyhoo, Bella (nicknamed: Teeny Weeny Puppini), my black kitten, decided that she simply had to sample what her mother (SB) was obviously so enjoying. Her dumb ass liked it! I couldn't believe it. How fucking cool is that?

Since Teeny Weeny Puppini was a feral kitten and found on a highway, I realized suddenly (light bulb) that her ass may have been living off shit like discarded Reeses cups. Maybe Puppini developed a damn taste for that shit when she was "on the streets." That little bitch has street cred, man. When your skinny ass is on the street--you ain't picky--you eat what's in front of you.

If Puppini goes for my Lucky Charms tonight, I'm going to think her ass lived in, or near, a crack den. And Lucky Charms are a FAT-FREE FOOD, so that makes them prime diet food, smart-ass motherfuckers. As a bonus, they're magically fucking delicious. And also, I'm part Irish, so when I eat Lucky Charms or use Irish Springs soap, I support the poor starving bastards back home. You Irish can thank me later.

14 comments:

Mel said...

I just bought some Reese's tiny trees for the kids today, and have to keep telling myself not to eat them. They are for freaking Christmas. But they keep calling to me!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I know Mel. They are so good! I don't even like peanut butter, but just add sugar. Yummy! I also like Jif peanut butter. It's the only kind my white trash ass will eat.

The Dish said...

Thanks, now I have to go buy some of those damn things. When I can't button my pants tomorrow because I ate the whole damn bag, it will be your fault.

Fat Bastard Cat is a feral. I have always been amazed by the shit he will eat...

Wildernesschic said...

My God mother/Aunt lived in NYC when I was small ( Florida now) and on her trips home to the UK she would bring my lacy socks frilly knickers and Reeces peanut butter cups THE Most delicious thing I had / have ever eaten !!!
They are the sweet dreams of my childhood .. they are in this country now ... I have to hide from them x

Ms. Moon said...

Well, Reese's are God's food. Remember that. Because it's true.
I love your support of the Irish with the soap (Made for a man. But I like it too!) and Lucky Charms. How about Irish whiskey? Does that enter into the equation as well?

Kathleen Scott said...

I have a 20 year old former street cat. Big black harry wandered up to my door in Miami 19 years ago. He's still with me and to this day he'll eat ANYTHING that doesn't run away first. Eat until he throws up and then eat again.

Might want to peel the chocolate off before giving Puppini a Reese's tree as choc is poison to cats.

Mr.Mischief said...

Have you tried the dark chocolate Reeses Cups yet? *drool*

Petit fleur said...

You know, they are magically fucking delicious!

Good times.

May said...

Oh my god this shit made me laugh. You are fucking hilarious.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
Irish whiskey does indeed come in to the equation. I'm all for it. I support that products heartily!

Love, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Kathleen,
Thanks for the reminder on the chocolate, but I did remember that. Puppini was only interested in the peanut butter anyhoo.

Thanks for reading me!

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mr. Mischief,
No, I didn't even know they made them with dark chocolate. I prefer dark chocolate, so I will check that shit out on your recommendation. Thanks!

Love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

May,
SB loves you!

gingermagnolia said...

I like your logic. Mmmmm Lucky Charms...