Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A Question for Dr. Oz

[SB has a MASSIVE crush on Dr. Oz. Nicest man EVER. And he's not all in love with himself, like most doctors.]

Here's my question:

Hey, Dr. Oz, why do they make the strings on OB Tampons so long? Are there actually bitches who have cootches that long? Thank you.

30 comments:

Wildernesschic said...

LOL .. Can you imagine his reaction.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ruth,
He's cool. He'd probably laugh.

Ms. Moon said...

Ms. Bastard, you CRACK ME UP! and make me laugh. One of the many reasons I love you.
Nurse Mary says the strings are so long because once in a while they get pushed WAY up in there. And I don't know, maybe some bitches DO have cootches that long.

Chic Mama said...

Who is Dr Oz?
I'm sure he'd love to answer your question. xx
Marry Christmas to you too.
Here's to 2010 being a better year for all. XXXX

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
Hmmmmm. I love you, too!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Chic Mama,
Doctor Oz is this surgeon friend of Oprah's and now he's got his own show on American TV. He's a real doll and hugs everyone and smiles a lot. I think he really enjoys his life and loves what he does. He is defintely a people person. Rare in a physician, unfortunately. Sometimes on his show he answer embarrassing questions.

Love, SB.

Erika said...

Dr. Oz makes me swoon. When I found out he has a wife and a bunch of kids, I cried.

Happy Holidays to you, too, by the way. xoxo.

Lou said...

Dr Oz got his medical license off the internet. He don't know nuthin' bout no tampons.

Petit fleur said...

He'd totally blush and that would be a riot! He does seem very gentle and sweet.

Jeannie said...

Honestly, he's a little creepy to me. That said, I never found OB tampon strings overly long...and I have a deep cootch (as one doc I had explained it to a doc in training so she could have a feel too).

the walking man said...

While I may not be long duckdong but I know I have had my entire head up some "cootches" and never hit bottom (or top depending on position.)

Syd said...

A woman may be dyslexic and push the wrong end up in there. My wife calls tampons "corks". What a thought.

white rabbit said...

It's so little people can swing on them like those ropes they had in school gyms when I was a mere boy.

Trust this clarifies matters.

gingermagnolia said...

They can't help it if they have long vaginas! Sheesh! Stay warm in this shitt-ay weather.

Sheria said...

I love Dr. Oz. Perhaps we could persuade him to join a menage a trois. I hadn't thought about the length of tampon strings until now. Dr.Oz accepts email questions; I think that you should submit yours.

Merry Christmas my dear, and thank you for helping keep me sane with your always intriguing observations about this wacky thing called life.

The Subversive Librarian said...

You know, I spent every day from puberty to menopause ruminating on that very question. Turns out there is no answer. Just one of the many wondrous and mysterious things about our Universe.

Findon said...

have a good christmas sweetheart take care of yourself and your family,

Mark said...

Boy, someone's in the holiday spirit! I can set that to music!
"Hark the herald angels sing
Oz, can you explain the string?
Why the hell is it so long
Is that question really wrong?
Answer me
I want to know
And can I
Become your ho
Dr Oz please answer me
Do cootches stretch so end-less-ly"

Gledwood said...

Hi I wanted to send you Saturnalian/Xmas greetings and a happy 2010 but can't recall whether I did this 36,000,000 times already... I had such troubles on your website earlier I can't remember whether I had to log out before clicking in my comment... so whatever.... have a good one and sorry for the repetition (If I did repeat myself... if I did repeat myself... if I did repeat myself...) wah-waaahhh!!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Came way via Alaina, funny stuff :o)

Maggie May said...

heehaw!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mark,
I fucking loved those lyrics. Move over Johnny Mercer! Best gift I got for X-mas. I laughed so hard.

Thanks. Love you so.

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Erika,
Thanks for joining us. Please come back and join us often. We have a goddamn good time here.

Love, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Walking Man,
Glad to make your acquaintance. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Come back often.

Love, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sheria,
Merry Christmas back and Happy damn New Year! SB loves you so.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Findon,
You are dear to me. I hope it was a good holiday for you.

Love, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Bucko,
Welcome, love. I've seen your comments around. Come back and join us often. We have a lot of fun. I have such a great blog family.

Love, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Gleddy,
I adore you. I hope you had a wonderful holiday.

You are loved.

SB

birdpress said...

This cracked me up! I have wondered the same thing. I love Dr. Oz too. Josh and I saw him in Lexington last year. He was awesome, of course.

The Dish said...

Ms. Moon is right. It is in case it gets all wrapped up in there. And long cootchies.