Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Company X-mas Party

The funniest thing about the company X-mas party (besides the fact that I hugged some bitch at my husband's party and told her I loved her, who I don't even like, because she runs around at fifty-some with her chichis and shit hanging out like a goddamn whore), was the fact that I bought Queen-size thigh highs, thinking that they would run longer (SB has very long legs). But HELL TO THE NO, those cocksucking things were the same goddamn length, but of course, BIGGER around the thigh area, so everytime SB got up from the table, those cocksuckers rolled down to about MID-CALF LEVEL. MOTHERFUCKER. (That shit was a handicap for the multiple cocktail runs I had to make due to the fact that all alcoholic beverages were only a damn dollar.)

Finally, one of my co-workers suggested I just get rid of the cocksucking things, so I promptly did, underneath the table like any fine damn lady would do.

The rest of the night, my ass walked around in my long black skirt, with pale albino stick-like calves underneath. I had to beat the men off with a fucking stick.

Actually, I'm old enough now that I could give a flying rat's ass.

13 comments:

The Dish said...

I love the visual of you peeling of the stocking under the table. You are such a classy broad!

Mel said...

You are braver than me, the last time I waged war with my pantyhose, I ended up taking them off in the bathroom and throwing them away. I'm about 5'1" so those things never fit me either. In high school, my nick name was chicken legs, so you can just imagine how sexy I look with bare white chicken legs sticking out. The good news was, it was an open bar and I didn't even care if I had legs at all.

Dollar cocktails, that's my idea of a party! Glad you survived, and made a new best friend!

Ms. Moon said...

If I had been there, I would have taken my BRA off at the table and put it in my purse. You would have laughed and laughed.
Kisses!

Syd said...

I can't imagine having to wear that stuff. It's bad enough having to wear underwear which I don't do in the summer. Another true fact revealed....

Put The Lotion In The Basket said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA'you had to Beat the men OFF with a stick'..
Babe you now how to give a man a good time
Nick

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
You can sit at SB's table any goddamn time. What fun!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
I knew you were a closet sexy guy. I just knew it.

Love,

SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mel,
Good to hear from you, as always.

Love, SB.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dish,
SB is nothing if not a classy broad. You got it.

Mucho love,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Nick,
You know it, my brother from another mother. You know it.

SB adores you.

Kathleen Scott said...

You went to your soon-to-be-ex's Christmas party? That's above and beyond, in spite of the $1 drinks.

Haven't thought about thigh-high hosiery in years. My grandmother (and all her friends) used to wear those. They had the same problem with roll-downs that you did, except the final bags were around the ankles, fuzzy opaque deep-tan innertubes sagging just above their orthopedic shoes. But I'm betting you wore peep-toe pumps with your long black skirt and that makes all the difference.

Hope the rest of your week is better--brighter and funnier and the cats sleep quietly at night.

gingermagnolia said...

Haha, same thing happened to me on Halloween when I wore thigh highs. I was walking down the street, and they kept slipping down below my knees. ARG! I agree with Dishy, you are one classy broad.

Petit fleur said...

Your stocking fiasco sounds like the highlight of the party!

Have I mentioned I hate company Chrismas partys?

But I love you SB.