Monday, December 7, 2009

A Heated Exchange

Hey you. I miss you. I’ve imagined so much and now know I truly want to be with you.-B

Hello Sir, I’m afraid I do not know who you are or how you found this email. Please forgive this shortcoming.-E

E, I can not believe you do not remember me. My heart is broken. Can you really say you don’t remember me?. After that marvelous date at that theatre? I still love you though Even though you’re a bit frazzle-minded.-B

E, Call me at work, feel free.555-555-5555 is my direct number. As I am sure my searches for you have lead to the correct conclusions.I imagined making love to you this morning…It was incredible….I imagined extended foreplay, with highly sensual touching, caressing, kissing. I imagined tasting you and pleasuring you, feeling you arch your hips and give your body to me, as you rubbed my clean, smooth shaved head. I imagined you eyeing me, looking up at me, as you took my into your mouth … slowly working your way over my whole until the entire disappeared into your mouth (something few women can do, but I believe you can do).-B

It’s 7:45 a.m. and I’m home.Call me now, in the next 20 minutes!!!

Call me NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!555-555-5555

I haven’t heard from you in 5 days, apart from one brief phone message which you left for me during the middle of the day, when it was inconceivable that I might be at home.This isn’t working for me.I have no idea why you contacted me, why you responded, why you talked to me, why you emailed me 5 times …I misread you. I thought you were considerate, sincere, warmhearted and genuine. Turns out you’re quite common: selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate, and …a total waste of my time.Goodbye.

You FUCKING BITCH! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???!!!!!! I’M THE BEST FUCKING MAN YOU’RE EVER GOING TO GET YOU FUCKING BITCH! GO TO FUCKING HELL!!!!! I SHOULD GET MY LAWYER TO FUCKING SUE YOU FOR FUCKING WITH MY MIND AND STATE OF WELL-BEING!!!!!!!!!!!!!I have access to the best lawyers in the world. Watch out bitch!!!! I can’t believe you’d deny ME!!!!!! go to fuckin hell! DIE! be ruined! EAT GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Still want you, so if you change your mind, 555-555-5555

11 comments:

Steph(anie) said...

Oh good lord. I'm too old for that kind of relationship.

Gledwood said...

Wow ~ and I thought Bridget Jones was pretty extreme ...!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Amen to that shit, Steph!

Gleddy, that was funny.

Love you both,

SB

Syd said...

The character defects will eventually come out.

The Dish said...

Wow. I think I would move...

Ms. Moon said...

I don't know. I think he still wants her. Really. He does. In the worst possible way.

Mr.Mischief said...

Aaaaand, cue the head spinning...lol

Petit fleur said...

Who ARE these people?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
Clearly, he DOES.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

PF,
Who the fuck knows? I think I'm glad I don't know.

Love,

SB

white rabbit said...

How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen....

Or so the old bat claims.