Monday, July 26, 2010

I Just Like the Damn Photo, Okay?

I remember one time ex-Mr. SB and I went camping (we liked each other then) , and we went to sleep for the night, and the next fucking morning, a little fat ass (just like the one in the photo above), left all the fruits and vegetables and shit, but cleaned us out of Twinkies and Cheese Doodles.

Why couldn't the little sonofabitch have eaten the carrots, my fat ass complained? Jesus. Fucker ate all the good stuff! Motherfucker ate all my damn Twinkies!

The trip went to shit after that. You can't have a good time camping without toasted Twinkies. Fuck marshmallows and s'mores and shit. That shit's for amateurs.

15 comments:

Kathleen Scott said...

That masked bandit has had way too many twinkies.

I went out front the other night to turn off the sprinkler but stopped on the steps because of crackling noises and an odd squeaking. I've never heard a skunk make that noise but I don't usually stay nearby when the skunks come around. Turns out the squeaker was a mother raccoon and three little ones, cleaning up fallen birdseed. Too cute for words but I won't think that when they start knocking down the hummingbird feeders.

Ms. Moon said...

But did he drink your beer?

Big Mark 243 said...

this was funny as heck!! I have a few stories where I enjoyed the company of my ex wife when she wasn't trying to kick my arse!!

Big Mark 243 said...

Sounds like a road trip I took with the ex and getting lost and no restroom in sight. She had to take a whiz and wanted to be 'husband and wife, one cup'. I couldn't do it for her and that was terrible trip.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

OMG too effin' funny...that poor raccoon...way too FAT!!! I found one in our neighborhood and think that ti was and has been eating the local cats, literally.

I find it sadly funny that the raccoon at your twinkies and not your carrots. I LOVE campfired Twinkies too!!! YUM!!!

xoxox
G

Syd said...

That is a big raccoon. Yikes.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

I've never recovered from watching my sweetie stumble half-naked out of our tent, grab a chunk of firewood and beat it against a tree while screaming "Coons!"

Yeah, little fuckers always take the good stuff.

michelle said...

Toasted Twinkies? Like over a campfire?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Kathleen,
How cute! Wish I had seen them.

Big Mark,
You make a SB laugh.

Gabriella,
Great culinary minds think alike!

Mel,
I dig A. Bitch rocks.

Syd,
Fucker is humongous.

Michelle,
Yep. You got it.

ÐƎΓΓΛ ƁƎΓΓƎ© said...

ok i know im late but this shit is classic memory gold!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dovie,
You are never late, my friend.

Love to you,

SB

The Dish said...

Love that fat ass raccoon! He makes me smile.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dish,
Yeah. Can you say overfed?

May said...

Wait. Wait a minute. Toasted Twinkies? Shut the fuck up. I can't believe we wasted all that time wrapping can biscuits around sticks and then stuffing them with butter and jam when we COULD HAVE JUST ROASTED TWINKIES! Hank- I blame you. You are supposed to be the genius in the family. Shit.

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

Brilliant! That is one fat racoon!! xx