Friday, July 30, 2010

I'm Damn Sick of Hearing About Another Damn Angel in Heaven

I wish I had had the privilege to meet her because I am sure that she would have been an amazing friend. May you rest in peace Kelly. We may have lost but the heavens have surely gained another Angel!

Please, if you're going to add a message of condolence to a damn online memorial guestbook, take the time to write something original! Jesus fucking H.

And if I die on the way home tonight, you motherfuckers HAD BETTER FUCKING NOT put that fucking angel shit in my guestbook! Put something honest like: She was depressed for most of her life, and I know she is greatly relieved to be dead finally. Bitch liked to sleep (and didn't like to work EVER), so now she can do that shit full time.

17 comments:

All This Trouble... said...

Set your guestbook up now and we can all stop by and leave little heartfelt messages that have nothing to do with anything!

Wait. That's kind of what we're doing now so...carry onward and upward! (That only applies to your mood and not the pearly gates.)

Alison Cross said...

I don't want anyone to write anything honest about me in any memorial guest book that I might leave!

I want them to tell the world that I was a lovely person who was kind to animals and children and who never, EVER, fired guns at her neighbour's cats.

Ali

Jeannie said...

Ditto for me but I want - She took great comfort in her varied bottles of alcohol.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Living in the pseudo - south now for awhile I have read so many effin' obits that say that crap all over the place...I want to read this:

This Mother Effer was a shithead, has gone to populate hell and scare the hell out of the devil in the seven circle.

That about sums it up...

xoxoxo Love ya
GM

Maggie May said...

I will not say that! And you can't make me. You'll be dead.

xo

Syd said...

I like the honesty. Writing in memorial guestbooks is generally not about truth. Like it would be hard to say that old so and so was a pain in the ass 99% of the time.

Big Mark 243 said...

That is the trouble with people. They think that once you aren't around to intimdate/bash their heads that they can do whatever for your memorial.

Throw me in a box and cover me with dirt and leave me alone. Treat me like you did in life, shabbily. That way we will be cool.

But if my sisters tried to act like they miss me, man... I am going to come back and haunt them, their children and their children's children. Punks.

Chic Mama said...

I promise I will write something very original....lets hope I don't have to though! :0) x

Omgrrrl said...

When a Sarcastic Bastard dies, another Angel loses her wings.

How's that?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

ATT,
That was funny, girl.

Love you.

Ali,
That's a good one.

Jeannie,
Amen!

Gabi,
I dig that one. Love you back.

Maggie,
Don't make my ass haunt you!

Syd,
No, not about truth. Definitely NOT.

Big Mark,
Sorry your sisters are a pain in the ass.

Chic Mama,
Thanks dear friend.

Omgrrrl,
NOW THAT WAS FUNNY! Good one.

Love to all you motherfuckers,

SB

Ms. Moon said...

Darling, you WILL be another little angel in heaven. A foul-mouthed gorgeous angel dressed in red sequins and drinking from a hip flask.
And I will be right there at your side and we will be making snide comments about St. Peter.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
If you're not by my side, I'm not going.

Old Midhurstian said...

You have my word, not one bloody angel!

Love
Mac

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Thanks, Mac. I hope you are well.

Love,

SB

Mel said...

Jeeze, I hate the angel talk too. My neighbor swears an angel kept her from getting into a car accident, because she felt her there. What??
Anyway, loved your obit, made me laugh.

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

I'm only going if you're there! xx

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mel,
Uhhhmmmm, okay. Is your neighbor a crackpot? Laugh.

Love you much. Hope all is well.

Christina,
We'll sit together, babe. If we're lucky, they'll be a mini-bar which is perpetually stocked. Laugh.

Mwa,

SB