The Famewhore Squirrel Welcomes Motherfuckers to Sarcastic Bastard. It's not easy being THE SPOKESWHORE OF AMERICA, but sometimes a bitch has got to sacrifice!
SARCASTIC BASTARD BLOG
Monday, April 11, 2011
Give this bitch a damn vitamin!
Goddamn.
She has recently been eating pieces of couch cushion 15 times per day and consumes the equivalent of a throw pillow each week.
EWWWW! You just know she's eating those old sofas at the Goodwill. Last year I had a couch to get rid of. Instead of hauling it away, I should have invited her over for dinner.
This is how Ikea makes such cheap housewares-farm factories of housewives are fed old couches, and out comes new pieces of easily assembled DIY furniture.
Why doesn't she just go to the foam store and buy it outright - they'd probably give her scraps for free. Or maybe she likes the taste of old farts.
There was a show on tv a while back about people who ate crazy. They had a lady who looks like this one who ate toilet paper. I could see someone craving attention and eating weird shit just to get it. Like the people who pretend whatever and make the rounds of talk shows.
im not shocked about that this chick with the gnarly weave eats sofas, what im shocked by is that she gets them second hand, i mean im sorry but if i was eating sofas all day i wouldnt get a used one from salvation army, i would want a fresh new crisp one u know, for sanitary reasons, i mean u would get your food from the garbage can unless u were a bum right?
*impressed face* I wonder if she shits three piece suites?
I've heard of some weird things in my time, but this is the weirdest. She should just be sitting on plastic chairs. How much is this strange habit costing the NHS?!
I am a Gen-X, lazy, manic-depressive bastard, with an eating disorder, OCD, and a propensity for alcoholism. I am basically hell to live with, but I enjoy red wine, Ritalin, reality TV, and disdainful cats. This description could also be useful as a personal ad for a dating service.
13 comments:
EWWWW! You just know she's eating those old sofas at the Goodwill.
Last year I had a couch to get rid of. Instead of hauling it away, I should have invited her over for dinner.
This is how Ikea makes such cheap housewares-farm factories of housewives are fed old couches, and out comes new pieces of easily assembled DIY furniture.
Really!!! Man, everything I compulsively consume goes straight to my hips. Maybe it's too bad I don't crave pillow filling!
Why doesn't she just go to the foam store and buy it outright - they'd probably give her scraps for free. Or maybe she likes the taste of old farts.
There was a show on tv a while back about people who ate crazy. They had a lady who looks like this one who ate toilet paper. I could see someone craving attention and eating weird shit just to get it. Like the people who pretend whatever and make the rounds of talk shows.
Well. I have to say I'm grateful that this is one sort of mental illness I do not have.
im not shocked about that this chick with the gnarly weave eats sofas, what im shocked by is that she gets them second hand, i mean im sorry but if i was eating sofas all day i wouldnt get a used one from salvation army, i would want a fresh new crisp one u know, for sanitary reasons, i mean u would get your food from the garbage can unless u were a bum right?
Ms Moon's beloved pup Pearl does this also... but she is a dog!
xo
Where do the Daily Mail get these things? Love you xx
Not to mention that sister girlfriend needs some bran or fiber to help pass that stuff..!
Christina,
Beats hell out of me, but I'm glad they do. It's my favorite paper for entertainment. Laugh.
All,
Your comments made me laugh. That's pretty good for a deadline Tuesday. Thanks!
Love,
SB
*impressed face* I wonder if she shits three piece suites?
I've heard of some weird things in my time, but this is the weirdest. She should just be sitting on plastic chairs. How much is this strange habit costing the NHS?!
Someone give this woman a bottle of Irn Bru.
AX
Hi SB,
Doesn't sound too appetizing but with a lot of butter almost everything seems edible.
j.
Ali,
How much is this costing the NHS made me laugh. You know I love you.
Guy in the silk taffeta dress,
You're right about the butter. Laugh.
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