Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Dealing with Jehovah's Witlesses

When I was growing up, the Moms taught me to always be respectful to Jehovah's Witlesses when they come to the door (because at least they get off their asses and go out and try to spread the word of the Lord--she approved of their industry), this, despite the fact that they ALWAYS show up at the most inopportune times.

These days, when a Witless comes to visit the Moms, she tells them: "You may as well take your bulletin with you, I'll only use it to line the cat's box. I won't read it."

Most of the time, the honesty of this just stuns the holy fuckers. They simply look somewhat startled and reply thank you and walk away fairly rapidly.

Personally, I have trained Ginger, the Diarrhetic dog, to throw such a fit when a stranger comes to the door that the Witlesses can't even get a first word out. I just shrug and tell them that, due to the rabid mouth-foaming nature of my dog, I clearly can't have any sort of meaningful exchange. After they depart, I smile and give Ginger extra cookies and tell her that she's a good girl.


21 comments:

Terena said...

lol!!!!!!! I like your mom's approach. I'll try it. Never mind that I don't have a cat

Steph(anie) said...

Strangers don't come to the door around here... we've had maybe 3 in the last 6 or 7 years. A definite benefit to living in the sticks.

Danny said...

hahaha! that's so funny, SB...hmm i'll have to think of my own way to scare the witlesses...at the mo though its the national census people that're lurking round every corner...they're looking you to fill in a census that asks all sorts of probing questions, like: how many room(s) are in your house, and, what is your sexual orientation, and (seriously), how many visitors are you expecting on such-and-such a date...and this all to 'improve public services' pull the other testicle you nazi scum - its so you got all the info you need on us so we're more easily categorised when assigning us to your various concentration camps you've already got built and that're there to round everyone up in when you take over the world!!!

Misfits Vintage said...

Good girl Ginger! xxx

Akannie said...

lmao...I have a friend who used to answer the door naked when they'd come. He only had about 3 visits, and they put out the word to stay away from him!!!

Good dog, ginger!!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Danny,
We had the census fucktwats last year over here. Lucky you! Laugh.

Akannie,
What a great idea! I love it.

Jane Lancaster said...

funny... growling gingers and naked people.. I love it!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Jane,
Yeah, quite a combo, eh? Laugh.

Love you!

Ms. Moon said...

My dogs do the same thing. The Witnesses try to shove that pamphlet through the door but I tell them I'm not religious and they go away.
They're pretty polite, though.

mrs. miss alaineus said...

the last time i had an encounter, it was with a one-armed witness and i told her i didn't need to be saved because i was already one of god's chosen people.......this was down in gary, IN.


xxalainaxx

FrankandMary said...

We all need a Ginger. ~Mary

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

That's funny.

My doorbell broke a year and I deliberately didn't replace it. I only answer it if someone calls my phone. It's been great and saved me dealing with Jehovah's Witnesses and ex offenders selling cheap tea towels xx

*BURN MY CANDLE* said...

I answer the door like this

"WHO THE FUCK IS IT??"

and they usually say

"Oh please have a great day. I didnt mean to bother you"


and I go back to sipping my grapefruit juice.

Sandra said...

This is the part where I'd say, "I haven't had a Jehovas Witness at my door in years!" but then karma will bite me in the ass, and guess what I'll wake up to....

BMelonsLemonade said...

I knew a guy who would always answer the door completely naked when he knew it was Jehovah's Witnesses. Another friend of mine will open the windows and play a tape of Malcolm X REALLY LOUD when she sees them in the neighborhood. They have never stopped at her house.

Butterfly said...

Totally brilliant!! Nice dog training. I'm going to use the lining the litter tray line sometime! Inspired x

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mrs. Miss A.,
That made me laugh. Great answer.

Mary,
Amen to that, sister!

Christina,
I don't have a doorbell. Thank Christ. I just look out my window and see who's knocking. Laugh.

Dovie,
I SO LOVE YOU. I'm going to try that next time. Laugh.

Sandra,
I hear you, sister. Thanks for dropping by. Please come back often.

BMelons,
Great idea on the Malcolm X. Genius! Laugh. Love you.

Butterfly,
Thanks for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it. Come back and join us any time.

Love to all,

SB

Syd said...

No witnesses come out here. I am too far out in the country. Before when we lived in suburbia, I would tell them that I wasn't interested. Thank them and shut the door.

Mel's Way or No Way said...

I grew up in the sticks and that didn't stop the Witnesses from coming around; gotta save the inbred hillbillies you know.

Reminds me of a visit at my great aunt's when the Witnesses showed up, the discussion turns sour and my great uncle pulled out a shotgun and ran them off the hill.

Told you my ass comes from hillbilly roots. :))

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
That would work, love. Laugh.

Mel,
Knowing you have hillbilly roots just makes me like you more, if that's possible.

RETRO REVA said...

I always hide.
Shhh.......
I think it's those damn holy rollers again..........