Friday, January 22, 2010

Psychotic Stalker with a Mother Complex

My Dearest,

Why have you not called my dear? Surely they would not have let you out on your own before you learned some basic manners. I would lke to think that maybe you were swamped with work, but lets be honest, you weren’t. Graphic Designers aren’t THAT busy to not call me back. Oh, my dear. It has been 22 hours since our amazing date. I have been counting the minutes and then converted them to hours so I know how my longing for you has progressed. It has, my dear. Oh, it has so progressed.

Remember our lovely date yesterday? I do. My mother remembers it too. She made you chicken and dumplings.You should be honored. I thought it would be nice to show you where I came from. My mother thought it was an excellent idea. She really liked you you know. Even though you didn’t talk much. I understand. you were nervous.

Why do you hurt me? Why are you insisting on not opening up to me. Do you know how long I have wanted you? I wanted you long before I asked you out. It kind of hurts to know that all that time invested in you is being wasted. It’s like waiting all year long for a toy and then Santa gives you a defective toy that you can’t even use (by the way, what do you want for christmas?). I’m not saying you are defective, but you need some work. I could help you to become what i thought you were.

Oh, while I am writing this, I am looking at your Facebook. You are so fun in these pictures. My mother and I would have loved to see this side of you. Granted, she would not have wanted you to drink and swear, but you can have fun with out all those tasteless things. However, I like all the sexy shots of you. Why didn’t I see that side of you? Why didn’t you come up to my room? My mother went to bed and you went home. Left me all alone. I went to be that night dreaming about what we would have done if you had been there. Too bad you weren’t there. We had a great time.

Well, call me when you get this, in case you were actually busy with your ART job.



Jeannie said...

Yet amusing.

afk4life said...

I'm worried how you find this shit, hell, I'm about as fucked up as it gets and I couldn't make something like this up.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

You are perfect and I love you.

Syd said...

UGH...sounds like Anthony Perkins musing from the Bates Motel.

Ms. Moon said...

Man, it's a scary world out there.

The Dish said...

I would immediately change my name and move out of the country. Crazy fucker.

downtown guy said...

Where do you find this shit?

Mel's Way or No Way said...

That's enough to make me want to fake my own death, have extensive plastic surgery, and relocate. Please, please, please never make me go back into the dating scene.

Steph(anie) said...

That would be funny if it weren't so scary. Where do you find this stuff? Or do you write it?

Bethany said...

wait, please tell me this isn't REAL? That is the scariest shit ever. Holy fucking creepo. Yes to what Syd said. Shivers.
Unfriend him immediately graphic designer girl, and get a restraining order.
Holy fuck!

Kathleen Scott said...


Sheria said...

Running would be a good idea or at the very least the objective of this obsessive affection should get a dead bolt and a bodyguard.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

DTG & Steph,
I have a craz-o-meter. I just run across this shit. It's as if I'm drawn to it.

No, I do not write it. I wish I were that damn creative.

Love you both.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I'm with you, babe.