Friday, January 22, 2010

Shit SB Says in an E-mail to Her Brother

I always wanted to be a Bingo caller, especially for the elderly. I would say stuff like B-9. B as in Bitch, 9. C-3. C as in Cunt, 3. Shake them up a little. Really I just enjoy having a microphone. Whoever has the microphone is IN CHARGE. It would be like, "Did I offend you? Too bad. I have THE DAMN MICROPHONE. You don't. Sit your ass down."

15 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

At the Opera House they have nun bingo and the priests (Jack and Colin) do the calling and if you fuck up, a nun will come around and hit you with a ruler. Plus, there are drinks. Sound fun?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Sounds fucking great to me!

Mr.Mischief said...

If I ever figure out the code to do the P.A. function on the phones at the stores like Meijer or Target I'm passing it on to you!

Put The Lotion In The Basket said...

Mrs Moon
A Nun hit's you with a ruler?
Please send precise map and details ASAP.
URGENT!
Nick X

The Dish said...

I would be your ball spinner.

Ms. Moon said...

Dreams can come true, they can happen to you...

white rabbit said...

I would like to be the person who does the announcements on trains. I would have fun on my last day...

"This train is calling at the following shit heaps no sensible person would want to live at, or even visit ....

If you really have the bad taste to want to get off there I can't stop you but I suggest you seek professional help...

Nose picking is prohibited on this train. That includes the old bat in carriage D. Yes you madam in the pink coat. I saw you. I wouldn't put it past you to have eaten it."

Petit fleur said...

SB!! I want the uncut/uncensored video of that baby!

WR--You are a silly man!

Word verification "preverst"
Srsly?

Steph(anie) said...

This post and these comments are freaking awesome. Love you.

Bethany said...

You always make me laugh. Shake it up babeeeeeeeeeee.

the walking man said...

you really need to fond an open mic poetry, your shit is so melodic! Hell I could listen to you all night and give you a standing o when the host told you your time was up and you told him to sit his ass back down cuz you got more poetry in you than most of the poets I know.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Mr. M.,
I would love that shit!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

White Rabbit,
Now you're talking, man. You barristers are fucking fun!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Steph,
Love you more.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Bethany,
That's why I'm here. To make you laugh.

Love, SB.

Walking Man,
Thanks shitloads!