Friday, October 23, 2009

I Lie To Total Strangers

Sometimes, in order to feel better about myself and my burgeoning weight, I tell total strangers that I encounter at the UDF or Sunoco mini-mart that I used to weigh nearly 400 pounds. I feel so good when their eyes go wide and they tell me how great I look and how thin I am.

I have this talent for keeping a straight face when I lie. I should have been a politician.

7 comments:

The Dish said...

Bravo, SB! I can't lie to save my life. I would love to see the look on someone's face when you tell them that!

Brother Frankie said...

i do that too. when they say how old i am i tell them 57.. they say wow u look friggin great...


when i say the truth, 47, they say.. damn, you have had a rough friggin life yo...

birdpress said...

What a fabulous idea!

Petit fleur said...

You are so clever! It's not too late, I'd vote for your ass!

Ms. Moon said...

This makes me love you even more.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Petit Fleur,
My ass is already self-important enough. I don't need public office to feel even more lofty and shit.

Thanks though!

Love you,

SB

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
No matter who much you love me, I LOVE YOU MAS!