Friday, October 23, 2009

Uncle Bob was REALLY Mad

SB had an aunt named Carol, who died after having a brain tumor removed a decade or so back. Aunt Carol was SO GREAT, I can't tell you. She was naturally pretty like Michelle Phillips, and she was SO FUNNY. Everybody at her funeral visitation had an amusing Carol Story to tell. She was one of a fucking kind.

For one thing, Aunt Carol used to like to paint her nails in the car at stop lights. Her husband, my Uncle Bob, used to get REALLY mad about this, because Carol had several fender benders that way. Carol still kept doing that shit anyway.

Aunt Carol played the dumb blond, but in actuality, she was REALLY SMART. She gave me some of the best life advice I've ever had. She pointed out to me that I fought everything and that it could only wear me out. SB was a damn rebel as a youth! I don't think I ever really realized it until she said it.

Right before Carol got sick with the brain tumor, SB was young and between jobs, so I went to stay with her in Columbus. I figured maybe I would move to Columbus if a good job opportunity presented itself. Uncle Bob was back in Dayton during the week at a condo and Aunt Carol (a realtor) was working on selling their Columbus house. So, it was just us chicks while I was there.

One night, after a glass of wine or three, we decided we would be a couple of beneficent motherfuckers and help Uncle Bob's ass out and cut the lawn. That way, when he turned up at the Columbus house over the weekend, he would be able to relax and enjoy his time with Aunt Carol and not have to worry about the motherfucking lawn.

I helped Aunt Carol gas the damn fucker up and start it, and off she went, pushing the mower, while my lazy ass sat on the porch for moral support. It was getting dark out, so Carol had to hustle her ass. All of a sudden, there was a fiery explosion. We had forgotten to mix whatever the fuck you are supposed to mix with the gasoline (oil?) that goes into the mower to prevent such fiery explosions from occurring. Aunt Carol and I started to giggle. We literally bent over and laughed until we cried, and she kept saying: "Uncle Bob is going to be SO MAD!" He was!

It was one of the funnest times of my life, and I still miss my dear sweet Aunt nearly everyday. I talk to her sometimes (mostly in the shower in the mornings--I hope she can't see me, because she would be so upset with me for getting fat) and tell her about her boys and the three grand kids she never got to see. Aunt Carol got gypped, and I was angry about it for a long time, and now I am mostly sad. Looking back, I think I didn't really go to Columbus to find a job (it never panned out), but to spend that precious time with Carol. I am so grateful for that time. It was such a blessing. She was such a blessing to our family and our lives.


Steph(anie) said...

Carol sounds great. :)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

She was, Steph.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for reading me.

Love, SB.

The Dish said...

Everyone needs an Aunt Carol. Glad she had such an impact on your life. And sorry she got yanked away too soon.

I bet Uncle Bob was pissed about the lawn mower!

Ms. Moon said...

Darling- She loved you so much for a reason. And part of her (and this is SO fucking corny- forgive me) will always be with you which does not make up for the fact that she got gypped but it's damn true anyway.
Love you....Ms. Moon

Syd said...

She sounds awesome. Great story about the lawn mower.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Yep. He was pissed.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Ms. Moon,
Thank you, my dear.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

She was. Thank you.

Chic Mama said...

What a beautiful memory....I bet you still giggle every time you think of that incident.

gingermagnolia said...

That was a good story, SB. Indeed.

May said...

I love every story you tell about your family. Well, and everything else too.

Anonymous said...

She sounds cool. Wish I had an aunt like that. Maybe someday I can be the cool aunt, although I probably will be that weird, childless aunt that has too many poodles.