Friday, October 23, 2009

May I Opine, Motherfuckers?

Just a few thoughts I had while brushing my teeth this morning. [Yes, I DO brush on the weekdays in deference to not assaulting my co-workers with my rampant halitosis. Weekends, it's mostly just the cats, so I'm a lazy motherfucker and don't spend the time on oral hygiene. If any of you guys come to visit on a weekend, I will brush, though, I promise. Just give me some advanced notice.] My ass always has deep thoughts while brushing my teeth because it's so cocksucking boring, so here's some that came up today.
  • I motherfucking hate faux wood. Nearly all of the goddamn fixtures in my bathroom are faux fucking wood. Jesus.
  • If I hear ONE MORE GODDAMN SINGLE FUCKING SOLITARY WORD about the Balloon Boy or his fucked-up parents, I am going to smite a bitch!
  • Mongoloids who pull out in front of me in a vehicle and then hold my important ass up are going to get the horn laid on them the ENTIRE WAY that I am trapped behind them. This shit is a real pet peeve of mine.

If you motherfuckers would care to agree with my opinions, or even to opine about something else that really sticks in your crawl, please feel free to do so in the comments section. Just remember, it might be wise not to mention the Balloon Boy. SB's energy for smiting is low today.

9 comments:

Petit fleur said...

Harley is starting to understand his mother's traffic peeves. He commented yesterday that everyone was driving really slow... and he wanted to know why... and if I could pass them!

Oh my! (He was right!)

The Dish said...

I fucking hate nitwits that think the universe revolves around them.

Why do people assume I am stupid just because I am blond? And only half blond, at that.

How do men that degrade their women live with themselves?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Petit Fleur,
I dig Harley!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dish,
All good ones, babe. I'm with you. Thanks for opining!

Love,

SB

Syd said...

I opine about those who attempt to tell me what my feelings are.

I opine those who tail gate and honk horns or give me the finger.

I opine about micro managers.

That's a pretty good list.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
Those are good opinations (I just made up a word and I like it, dammit.). Thanks for sharing.

I feel I must mention that the tail gate and horn-honking group includes moi, however. I also flip the bird sometimes out of my moon roof when going around a motherfucker who won't get over on the damn highway.

May said...

I have nothing to opine about right now, but I will say that when I am brushing my teeth my cat tries to eat my mouth. She loves toothpaste! It can't be good for her though, so I try to wash it down the sink quickly.

Brother Frankie said...

i will not mention ballon boy.. but..

i could not forget

J. said...

I hate the self check out lanes at grocery stores. I don't get paid to do the cashier's jobs, so why not give me a discount for doing it myself?

I also hate having to make small talk when getting my hair cut, I would rather bring a book. I don't go back to the same person, so I most likely will not see them again, so I don't really care what they had for lunch.