Pass the Tomatoes, Motherfuckers

It's that time of year again, motherfuckers. My Indian blood is once again at war with my white-ass cracker blood. Only part of me can enjoy this time of year, because the other (Native American) part realizes that, despite the fact that my people helped whitey to survive in the New World, whitey turned around and fucked us in the ass by pillaging our land, raping our women, ravaging our tribes with disease, and basically shoving liquor and worthless land at us. As you can imagine, It's hard to enjoy the fucking turkey when this omnipresent second perspective is involved. Sometimes [Northern Exposure fans], I'd like to throw a tomato at my damnself.

[The Thanksgiving holiday and what whitey was ACTUALLY saying.] "Thank you for helping our cracker asses to survive in the New World. We couldn't have done it without you teaching us about how to grow corn and shit. In apology for building strip malls on the sacred land on which your elders are buried, here's some liquor and a reservation for you to enjoy. No--not a dinner reservation--an actual place called a reservation for your Tonto ass to call home. Oh, and should we find valuable minerals or oil on your land, we might appropriate that land, too, (our government gives us the right after all) and just move your inconvenient no-job alcoholic asses to a new reservation. But, thanks again for helping us make it here. We appreciate hell out of it. We really do."

I hope I can keep my turkey down this year. Pass the tomatoes, would you?