Thursday, November 19, 2009

Some Dumb Motherfucker

Some dumb motherfucker walked up to me yesterday and asked how the cats are doing and how many I have now. When I responded that I have 7 cats, that dumb motherfucker, thinking he was SO WITTY and pleased as fucking punch with himself, said: "They're going to start calling you the crazy cat lady. When you die, they'll probably eat you." He chuckled then, very satisfied at how fucking funny he thought he was, and walked away. BEFORE I KILLED HIM.

Oh God, isn't that hysterical?! I simply have never had anyone refer to me as a "crazy cat lady" before. How original! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCK FUCKING DUMB ASS BORE OF A MOTHERFUCKER. If you think my ass is sitting anywhere near you at the company X-mas party, you can lick my sphincter, you BIG FUCKING BORE. [I know all this ranting makes me sound mentally unbalanced. NEWSFLASH: I am!]

Anyhoo, that shit made SB an itsy bit angry, especially since it happened before 10:00. Not that ANY AMOUNT OF COFFEE IN THE WORLD EVER would ever fucking improve an encounter with the office blowhard, who is the typical LOUD motherfucker everybody knows (every office or tour bus has one!), who just thinks he is the wittiest funniest person who ever gifted the fucking planet.

This man is SO NOT witty, and SB should know from witty, because my ass was voted wittiest in high school. I am the Queen of that shit, and don't you forget it.

On another subject, my deadline has been extended until today on the work project. It was a bit more complex than we had previously planned on. The crazy cat lady (har, har!) will be back tomorrow, and hopefully this motherfucking work shit will be all wrapped up, and I will be FREE, FREE, I say!

Have a great day, one and all. I will suffer here, working on a boring fucking work project, possibly subjected once again to the office bore, who my ass may shank, if he is fucking dumb enough to approach me before noon. But don't worry about me. SB is a fucking survivor.

10 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Dearest S.B.- Tell him he can kiss my ass too. I got your back, baby. I swear it. Love...Ms. Moon

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I know you do, Ms. Moon. This is ONE OF MANY reasons I so love you!

michelle said...

Jerk. Let's kick his ass then sing We Are the Champions!

The Dish said...

That guy needs to be shanked. Want me to come take care of his ass?

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Love that idea, Michelle.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Dish,
Thanks for having my back, girlfriend. As we say in Buttfuck, Ohio, "'Preciate it."

Syd said...

I like that you have cats. I have a bunch of dogs too and 3 cats. I don't feel too crazy.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Syd,
You sir, are anything BUT crazy. You always make me feel better about my life. Thank you!

miss alaineus said...

i can teach you how to make a shank out of a bic pen and several paper clips bent out and taped together.



there's always the good ol' letter opener.

xxalainaxx

ps maybe the crazy cat lady should leave a bag of cat litter clumps on someone's car...

Petit fleur said...

My real name is Mindy... my husband's name is Marc... I know the BORES you speak of only too well.

I like Michelle's idea.
xo pf